Boundaries: Caring for Yourself While Staying Connected
Boundaries are the quiet structures that help your life feel like your life. They clarify what is and isn’t okay for you — with friends, partners, coworkers, family, and even yourself. Healthy boundaries aren’t walls or ultimatums; they’re acts of self-respect that support your nervous system, your time, your energy, and your well-being.
When boundaries are present, relationships tend to feel safer and more stable. Trust deepens. Communication gets clearer. Without them, people often find themselves overwhelmed, resentful, overextended, or invisible in their own lives.
Boundaries can be emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, or financial. They can exist anywhere you notice, “Something about this doesn’t feel right for me.” That noticing is usually where the work begins.
How to begin setting boundaries
The first step isn’t talking — it’s listening to yourself.
Before you set a boundary, it can help to pause and reflect:
Where am I feeling drained or overloaded?
Where do I say “yes” when my whole body is saying “no”?
Where do I feel anxious, tight, or taken for granted?
What would help me feel more grounded and supported?
Maybe your boss regularly calls after hours, and you never fully get to rest. You notice irritability, exhaustion, and difficulty focusing. A boundary might sound like:
“After 6 p.m., I’m offline so I can rest and return ready to work in the morning.”
Clarity often comes from slowing down and becoming honest with yourself first.
Communicating your boundaries
Once you know the boundary, the next step is sharing it.
Communicating a boundary doesn’t require you to be harsh or “confrontational.” It asks for clarity and kindness — toward yourself and the other person. It’s okay to feel upset or disappointed, and you can still speak from a grounded place.
You might say things like:
“I’m not available for that.”
“This doesn’t work for me.”
“I need to leave by 8.”
“I won’t be responding to messages after work hours.”
Boundaries aren’t punishments; they’re information about how to stay in relationship with you in a healthy way.
Holding the boundary (the tender, challenging part)
After you communicate a boundary, the real practice is in honoring it.
Notice how it feels in your body and your life. Does it help? Does it bring relief? Are people respecting it — or consistently pushing past it? Sometimes that means having a follow-up conversation. Sometimes it means changing your response and no longer participating in what harms you.
This part can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing, caretaking, or staying quiet to avoid conflict. That doesn’t mean you’re “bad at boundaries.” It means you’re learning something new.
You don’t have to do this by yourself
Power dynamics — with a boss, partner, parent, adult child, or friend — can make boundaries confusing and complicated. If you find yourself stuck between what you need and what feels possible, that’s a very human place to be.
Therapy can help you:
identify where boundaries are needed
understand what gets in the way of setting them
practice communicating them
heal the parts of you that learned it wasn’t safe to speak up
If this resonates with you and you’d like support in this work, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
👉 You’re invited to book a session with me — we can explore what you’re carrying, what you need, and what healthy boundaries might look like in your life. You can reach me at 325-603-932
